And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
