So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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