If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
