Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
