I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
