I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
farters have to be the big spoon...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just crazy horny about you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
