I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
