What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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