this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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