i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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