I didn't shave. On purpose
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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