Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I enjoy the company of your penis
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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