How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
