I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
