Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
