My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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