I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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