I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
