Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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