I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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