wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
