Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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