Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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