You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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