return my video game
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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