woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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