dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
