you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
