I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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