masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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