i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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