yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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