turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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