i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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