yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
