I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
