Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need moral support for this bender
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
