i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
