a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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