I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
