Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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