Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
