Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
