apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I look better un-naked...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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