I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
