ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
