I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just tell him i said nine months
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
