if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
