Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
