I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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