Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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