In the future we'll all be gay
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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