i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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