He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
