the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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