I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
