Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's Friday. Sex?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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