he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
