i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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