i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
