Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i came on her dog
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
