How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
