she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
