Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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