i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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