there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
