I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
