Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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