I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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