I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Couch. On fire.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
