Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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