No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
