If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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