they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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