i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He kissed a someone with a penis
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Damn victory sex feels great
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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