I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
