hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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