i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
