Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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