That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
