Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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